Author Archives: melissacoupin

Each of the people who knew and loved John is dealing with his death in their own way. I said in an earlier post, grieving is an individual sport. Yet our grief connects us. I visualize it as a modified … Continue reading →

Paul and I are in Kauai. We planed it over a year ago, and decided not to cancel the trip just because John died. We would leave reminders of him at home. We didn’t expect to have many memories of … Continue reading →

Every day in Kauai begins by walking to the end of the road where the Kalalau trailhead begins. Then up. A half mile straight up. Slippery rocks, lush foliage, a glimpse of ocean view. Fulfilling the pact that I made … Continue reading →

It happened on the way to the airport. A 7:00 departure requires a 5:15 AM taxi. Not at my best after a sleepless night, my abrupt replies and long pauses from the back seat should have discouraged the driver, but … Continue reading →

I woke as a completely different person.  Dropped into a new phase of the grieving process.  A new trail on the map through the grieving journey.  I am overwrought with sadness.  I am as fragile as tissue.  Every one of … Continue reading →

Last Saturday Paul and I dealt with some property management tasks in Oakland together.  I was happy to be out in the world doing something constructive with Paul. When we finished, he ran into Piedmont Grocery while I swung into … Continue reading →

Shelby and Matt join us for dinner.  Delicious soup made by a friend.  They are going to a concert, one of John’s favorites…Kygo.  They preview the concert for us, music dancing through the speakers, filling the house as we sip … Continue reading →

It’s Tuesday night.  I’m making a salad and listening to the Giant’s playoff game.  Matt has requested Zachary’s pizza.  I’m thinking I might have a glass of wine.  I feel normal. It is a typical night. I wonder if John … Continue reading →

The scrawled notes taken when we spoke to the coroner hours after John’s death are garbled and illegible.  They don’t provide any meaningful information, so I called him back. I wanted an update and a recap of what he had … Continue reading →

It’s been three weeks right about now.  Both a moment and an eternity ago.  I am remembering Shelby texting from another hemisphere, half a world away.   Three weeks ago.  It begins again. I start to feel lightheaded, nauseous and weak.  … Continue reading →