Monthly Archives: October 2014

Paul and I are in Kauai. We planed it over a year ago, and decided not to cancel the trip just because John died. We would leave reminders of him at home. We didn’t expect to have many memories of … Continue reading →

Every day in Kauai begins by walking to the end of the road where the Kalalau trailhead begins. Then up. A half mile straight up. Slippery rocks, lush foliage, a glimpse of ocean view. Fulfilling the pact that I made … Continue reading →

It happened on the way to the airport. A 7:00 departure requires a 5:15 AM taxi. Not at my best after a sleepless night, my abrupt replies and long pauses from the back seat should have discouraged the driver, but … Continue reading →

I woke as a completely different person.  Dropped into a new phase of the grieving process.  A new trail on the map through the grieving journey.  I am overwrought with sadness.  I am as fragile as tissue.  Every one of … Continue reading →

Last Saturday Paul and I dealt with some property management tasks in Oakland together.  I was happy to be out in the world doing something constructive with Paul. When we finished, he ran into Piedmont Grocery while I swung into … Continue reading →

Shelby and Matt join us for dinner.  Delicious soup made by a friend.  They are going to a concert, one of John’s favorites…Kygo.  They preview the concert for us, music dancing through the speakers, filling the house as we sip … Continue reading →

It’s Tuesday night.  I’m making a salad and listening to the Giant’s playoff game.  Matt has requested Zachary’s pizza.  I’m thinking I might have a glass of wine.  I feel normal. It is a typical night. I wonder if John … Continue reading →

The scrawled notes taken when we spoke to the coroner hours after John’s death are garbled and illegible.  They don’t provide any meaningful information, so I called him back. I wanted an update and a recap of what he had … Continue reading →

It’s been three weeks right about now.  Both a moment and an eternity ago.  I am remembering Shelby texting from another hemisphere, half a world away.   Three weeks ago.  It begins again. I start to feel lightheaded, nauseous and weak.  … Continue reading →

Leaving Boulder is emotional. I’ve fallen in love with this town. Our previous visits were short and full of tasks. Assembling IKEA furniture, attending workshops, picking John up to take him to the World Cup Downhill. Only enough extra time … Continue reading →